The Fellini Hotel

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Just Like Ed Sullivan Show

The 8th Best Hotel in Kandy

The Buddha's Tooth is Inside that Gold Casket

A Most Effective Sales Technique

This has been without a doubt the most bizarre day of our trip to Sri Lanka. We checked out of our hotel in Dambulla and headed out to drive to the second biggest city in Sri Lanka: Kandy.

Our driver, Michael, said we were going to stop at a spice station where they grow and sell spices. We have been to spice stations before, and knew what to expect (we thought). It turns out this is a spice station that sells herbal remedies for what ails you. We were met by a smooth talking guy, who claimed to be in the 6^th year of a 7 year program. Everything that came out of his mouth sounded like a pitchman on any New York City street corner.

He led us to a bench where he spoke some more about the benefits of these products. He then said he wanted to demonstrate some of them on us. Two other young men came in and applied some ointments to our faces and scalps. They then lifted up the back of shirts and started massaging and oiling our backs. They then asked me to take off my shirt and had Cathy take off her top. More massaging more oil. They then removed my Rolex and put it down. They were massaging us and our eyes are closed and I had visions of them switching watches or stealing our purses. I looked over at Cathy and her bra was unhooked. Wow this was getting strange. I thought, No, these are good Buddhist, we just need to go with the flow. The massage continued for almost an hour. I thought I should get a few pictures of this, and handed them my camera and they took a couple. Eventually they finished and we got re-dressed.

The whole time we were in basically a public space. It was weird!

Eventually the doctor came in, and asked us generally about our health. He prescribed all kinds of herbal medicines. We bought some, and we will see if any of them work. It was the strangest sales technique I have ever experienced, but a massage will get you far with us. As we were leaving, after spending quite a bit on herbal medicine, the young salesman said we could tip him. I did, and as we got back in our car, I said to Cathy, what the hell am I doing tipping a salesman, I just bought his products, he should be giving me a gift. To make matters worse, I was so relaxed from the massage, I forgot to ask for a discount. My bargaining skills weren't put to use. Ah the Buddha works in strange ways.

We then continued our drive to Kandy. Kandy is most famous above all for a having a relic: Buddha’s Tooth. This is a major destination for Buddhist. I thought it ironic that a tooth wound up in a city called Kandy, but that is just me.

We drove up a giant mountain side, on a narrow one lane street, that was constant switch backs. When another vehicle approached I was constantly worried one of us was going to meet Buddha, sooner than expected. Eventually we climbed to the top and arrived at our Hotel: The Amaya Hills Resort. I had looked it up in TripAdvisor. We were staying at the 8^th best hotel in Kandy. I couldn’t reconcile with my non-Buddhist side of me, why there were 7 better hotels and we weren’t at one of them. Eight is pretty far down the list. It barely makes the top 10.

We quickly established reasons why it is number 8. We are staying on the 3^rd floor. There is no elevator, that is good for keeping the hotel out of the top 5. Everything about this hotel shouts out: “I will never be in the top 7”. We decided to not fight it, not move to a better hotel and just be accepting (A key Buddhist philosophy).

Our driver then retraced his steps down the mountain where we went to long promised cultural event. There was an old Red Cross Hall hall. We were led to reserved front row seats, next to an elderly couple.  How and why we deserved to have front row seats, I don’t understand, but maybe it has something to do with Buddhist Karma and tipping the herbal remedy salesman.

The show consisted of young energetic dancers in native costumes doing authentic dances. My favorite was twirling plates and balancing them on a stick. I felt I was watching a re-run of an Ed Sullivan Show. This couldn’t possibly be original with Sri Lanka. There were drummers and a flute player who looked like he would rather be doing anything but be dressed up in a costume and entertaining people. There was a woman (I think) who was supposed to be doing a native dance but to me it looked like a bump and grind routine. The Buddha wouldn’t be happy. The male dancers were also gymnasts who back flipped their way across the stage, while dressed in very weird outfits that were better suited for women. The highlight was fire-walking. We were in the front row, and when they ignited the fuel all of a sudden it got very hot. I started to remember stories of fires in theaters and panic stricken people heading for the exits. There were no exits here, only the doors we walked in thru that were in the back of the theater. We were in the front row. I realized the Buddha had sense of humor about choice seats and quick exits.

We then went to see the Buddha’s tooth. The Temple of the Tooth was a short walk from the cultural show. Throngs of westerners and pilgrims who were dressed in white surged toward the temple. We were met by a Buddhist Guide, who directed us to where we could check our shoes (no shoes allowed in a temple) and rushed us in. The temple is very large, very crowded and very hot. There is a cacophony of sound as drummers are drumming and horns are blaring. As our guide took us from room to room he explained very briefly what we were seeing. His accent was thick, and we understood nothing he said. We eventually got to the hall where you could look in and see the golden chamber that contained the tooth (of course if they had used a gold filling to fix the tooth, the Buddha might never have lost it – but history didn’t work that way). So this tooth that is over 2300 years old is supposedly here contained within its golden casket. Hoards of people are literally trampling over each other to get not a view, not a spiritual moment, but a digital picture to post on Facebook, that they were there. I don’t know what the pilgrims, all dressed in white thought, but we thought this is madness. At the end our Buddhist guide asked for money, I gave him a Dollar (which I thought was what he asked for), he said no he wouldn't accept a Dollar, he wanted $10.00. I didn't have a $10 dollar bill, I only had some $1's & $ 100's and the rest was in Sri Lanken Rupees. I gave him 1000 Rupees. He said no, he wanted 1500 Rupees. It is tough negotiating with a representative of the Lord Buddha. I didn't have a 500 Rupee Note, so I gave him 2 - 1000 Rupee Notes. Later Cathy told me our driver had said don't pay him more than 500 Rupees. Somehow the message didn't get to me. Buddhist 1, Jews 0.

We returned to the 8^th best hotel in Kandy. The lobby was filled with Saudi men trailed by 1, 2, or 3 wives, all dressed from top to bottom in black, with only their eyes showing. We ordered wine. In came the 18 Israeli women we saw last night, singing Hebrew songs. I felt like I was sitting on the border between the East Bank and the West Bank. All of sudden, in come 25 Buddhist Pilgrims all dressed in their finest white, in comparison with the Saudi women in their finest black, I guess Buddhist Pilgrims merit staying at the 8^th best hotel in Kandy.

Soon a rowdy bunch of young Australian guys come in. They are playing a cricket match in Kandy tomorrow. Beers for the Aussies!

The same elderly couple who were at the show sitting next to us, came over to us and asked if they can join us for drinks. Turns out the Saudi’s are sitting at the table they have been promised and they are going to get their table no matter what! They were from Liverpool, she was snob, he was ok. They liked the 8^th best hotel in Kandy.

I asked Cathy, how do the Saudi women eat, if only there eyes are exposed. I decided they can never eat in public. We went into the exclusive dinning room for dinner (as opposed to the buffet where everyone else was eating), and who do we run into but the Saudi with his 3 wives. They were the only ones in the room when we entered, and the women all had the material that covered their faces lifted over their head so they can eat. They saw us, and immediately replaced their coverings, got up and left the restaurant. We felt bad, as we realized what was happening. I thought of asking the men, if we should leave so they could continue eating, but decided, what ever I said would get lost in translation. I also felt that if he could afford three wives he could afford room service at the 8^th best hotel in Kandy. We did ask the waiter if we had driven them out, and said no, there were done with dinner anyway. For a young kid, the waiter was suave and got an extra large tip for putting us at ease.

Between the Saudi’s in Black, the Israeli women singing in Hebrew, the Buddhist Pilgrims in White, the beer drinking Australian cricket team, and our Liverpool couple, this is the strangest amalgamation of people I have ever been with. I then knew why our hotel was rated the 8^th best hotel in Kandy.